i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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