So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
