Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
