if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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