Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
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Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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