Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
