I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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