guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
