she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize