just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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