You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
