so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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