That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize