i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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