Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize