That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
