My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the condom got lost in my hair
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER