My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
