I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize