Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
