Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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