zippers are such a cool invention
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
