Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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