So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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