two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
