We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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