So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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