so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
