THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
