i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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