I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
