Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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