it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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