So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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