Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
