is your mom at the bar?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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