**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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