You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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