fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize