I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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