I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
