that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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