if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
