then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.