Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times