How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it