I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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