I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
