that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize