that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017