Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things