around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.