A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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