I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
