Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize